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Post by 2[ZS]Gus on Sept 12, 2011 14:29:33 GMT -6
WARNINGbefore you read this post i am entitled to tell the viewing audience that this will give away most of the game cursed mountain, anybody who wants to play it for themselves should not read this. it is for comedic purposes only, no money will be made on my part. any seizure taken while reading will be your fault and it is recommended you see a doctor before reading this spoiler rant. restrictions apply results may vary.
SO i borrowed this amazing game from a friend called cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming*. now in cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming*, you play as a weird British guy that goes to save his brother who just got lost while climbing a mountain. now, as everybody knows, it is SUCH a better idea to walk up a mountain to save someone, rather than taking a helicopter. so thats what he does, smart man...
so you start at the entrance of a small town, location unknown. when you ask for a ride to some dudes house everybody yells "ODIOUS MIO!!" and they throw rocks at you and run away. you find your way into some random house and find your brothers ice Axe in a pile of hay, and manure. after you find out the Axe gives you the power to see invisible crap, and smash barrels, you realize: you found magic cow poop.
you randomly see a Buddhist Monk, and he tells you how to use the Axe to heal yourself from aids, kill ghosts that don't exist, and smash more barrels.
more walking, door opening, and soul searching later... you walk up a cliff and into a village, and find out why the game is called cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming* cus ghosts randomly walk up to you, ask you politely for some change, and try to rape you. you decide that enough is enough so you start slaughtering the lost, poor souls with your trusty ice Axe. you ask some old chick where your bro is, she drugs you, rapes you, and throws you off a Cliff, down into a deep, depressing abyss. OF CURSED MOUNTAIN DEW!!! *lightning crash, girl screaming*
you walk around, surprisingly able to fall that much and walk it off. kill more ghosts, find hands coming out of the wall, and kill a poor defenseless, 500 lb spirit bird, WITH LASERS. you climb up a wall, and you end up back at the crazy chicks house. the bird Carry's you up to some weird Buddhist temple, there you become friends with dead monks, drink tea, and get like 4 new weapons to attach to your magical poop Axe.you hear your brothers voice, but it was an illusion. even though its only 12,000 ft in the air...
you find out your brother is at the peek of the cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming* and you learn that the mountain is some Buddhist god chick. and your brother raped her. (IT SERIOUSLY SAID THAT! PLAY IT FOR YOURSELF!) you start climbing the Goddess cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming* and tell your tape recorder you have no friends, and you're at twenty something thousand feet. you fall down, and borrow a dead guys walkie talkie.
you walk out of a dark, depressing, terrible, base camp. after killing everybody there because you thought they were ghosts that killed the women that was going to do a ritual to prepare you for the sacred mountain, so the goddess doesn't get pissed off. (aka, sex) you find out your best friend isn't even Buddhist, but an athiest.... and also a twenty foot one legged monster. *sigh* you think you know people. so you kill him.
as you climb the sacred mountain. aka cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl scr-* SHUT THE F*** UP!!! you hear the crazy chicks voice. and she says stuff like: "your brother didn't complete the ritual (aka, sex), so now goddess is pissed and made ghosts kill everything." and "you didn't complete rituals (mmmm, she was kinda hot ;P) so now you are raping mountain goddess too. ( ? )
you find some dead climbers, kill their ghosts, and find your brother, at the peak, drinking orange juice. you walk up to him, but then the goddess comes out of nowhere in the form of some giant monster and takes your brothers orange juice. he cries so much he just knocks out. not always a good thing when your at the top of a 30,000+ FT. MOUNTAIN!!! you use your poop flavored Axe and kill the goddess.
when your brother wakes up 3 minutes later, you embrace him. your guy is so happy his brother is still alive, and they can live their lives back to normal. but, his brother has other plans. he says stuff about how your the worst older brother ever, and that you still owe him 20 bucks. you tell him to conserve his energy so they can climb down 30,000 feet to a hospital. but he jut keeps going. he thanks you for saving his life and risking yours. for digging your hands in crap and kicking a goddess's BUTT, just for him. but then he says to F*** off, and that he wants to die. so he dies. you put a box on his chest and say the world isn't ready for treasure. then the game ends.
the sad thing is, most of the ending i didn't even exaterate...
SO i borrowed this amazing game from a friend called cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming*. now in cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming*, you play as a weird British guy that goes to save his brother who just got lost while climbing a mountain. now, as everybody knows, it is SUCH a better idea to walk up a mountain to save someone, rather than taking a helicopter. so thats what he does, smart man...
so you start at the entrance of a small town, location unknown. when you ask for a ride to some dudes house everybody yells "ODIOUS MIO!!" and they throw rocks at you and run away. you find your way into some random house and find your brothers ice Axe in a pile of hay, and manure. after you find out the Axe gives you the power to see invisible crap, and smash barrels, you realize: you found magic cow poop.
you randomly see a Buddhist Monk, and he tells you how to use the Axe to heal yourself from aids, kill ghosts that don't exist, and smash more barrels.
more walking, door opening, and soul searching later... you walk up a cliff and into a village, and find out why the game is called cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming* cus ghosts randomly walk up to you, ask you politely for some change, and try to rape you. you decide that enough is enough so you start slaughtering the lost, poor souls with your trusty ice Axe. you ask some old chick where your bro is, she drugs you, rapes you, and throws you off a Cliff, down into a deep, depressing abyss. OF CURSED MOUNTAIN DEW!!! *lightning crash, girl screaming*
you walk around, surprisingly able to fall that much and walk it off. kill more ghosts, find hands coming out of the wall, and kill a poor defenseless, 500 lb spirit bird, WITH LASERS. you climb up a wall, and you end up back at the crazy chicks house. the bird Carry's you up to some weird Buddhist temple, there you become friends with dead monks, drink tea, and get like 4 new weapons to attach to your magical poop Axe.you hear your brothers voice, but it was an illusion. even though its only 12,000 ft in the air...
you find out your brother is at the peek of the cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming* and you learn that the mountain is some Buddhist god chick. and your brother raped her. (IT SERIOUSLY SAID THAT! PLAY IT FOR YOURSELF!) you start climbing the Goddess cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl screaming* and tell your tape recorder you have no friends, and you're at twenty something thousand feet. you fall down, and borrow a dead guys walkie talkie.
you walk out of a dark, depressing, terrible, base camp. after killing everybody there because you thought they were ghosts that killed the women that was going to do a ritual to prepare you for the sacred mountain, so the goddess doesn't get pissed off. (aka, sex) you find out your best friend isn't even Buddhist, but an athiest.... and also a twenty foot one legged monster. *sigh* you think you know people. so you kill him.
as you climb the sacred mountain. aka cursed mountain *lightning crash, girl scr-* SHUT THE F*** UP!!! you hear the crazy chicks voice. and she says stuff like: "your brother didn't complete the ritual (aka, sex), so now goddess is pissed and made ghosts kill everything." and "you didn't complete rituals (mmmm, she was kinda hot ;P) so now you are raping mountain goddess too. ( ? )
you find some dead climbers, kill their ghosts, and find your brother, at the peak, drinking orange juice. you walk up to him, but then the goddess comes out of nowhere in the form of some giant monster and takes your brothers orange juice. he cries so much he just knocks out. not always a good thing when your at the top of a 30,000+ FT. MOUNTAIN!!! you use your poop flavored Axe and kill the goddess.
when your brother wakes up 3 minutes later, you embrace him. your guy is so happy his brother is still alive, and they can live their lives back to normal. but, his brother has other plans. he says stuff about how your the worst older brother ever, and that you still owe him 20 bucks. you tell him to conserve his energy so they can climb down 30,000 feet to a hospital. but he jut keeps going. he thanks you for saving his life and risking yours. for digging your hands in crap and kicking a goddess's BUTT, just for him. but then he says to F*** off, and that he wants to die. so he dies. you put a box on his chest and say the world isn't ready for treasure. then the game ends.
the sad thing is, most of the ending i didn't even exaterate...
